Daddy's Little Girl.
Growing up, he called me 'girl'.
The first identity I knew
A gender; an annoyance.
Like a piece of gum, stuck to the bottom of your shoe.
His love language was screaming
Louder and louder he could roar.
'Bitch, stupid, worthless, cow'
Another beer he would pour.
"I'll pick you up at three", he said
My naivety, again hopeful for a Dad
Hours, cars and faces blur past
At least you can't miss what you never had.
You created a little human
But you couldn't love me
Am I faulty? Broken? Not pretty enough?
Would I be better if I were a 'he'?
You taught me the rules for how to treat a women
To throw your strength around wherever you can
Remind her that you are powerful, stronger and bigger
Dad, I now know; that makes you less of a man.
Daddy's little girl, they say.
Yet he closed the door, and left me in the rain.
With each drop dampening my self-worth
I decided I didn't deserve this pain.
Blood is thicker than water
And the greatest gift we have is family
Well, I call bullshit on this fairytale
I choose to let you go and now I am free.
Yet to cut you out is like a cancer
You've spread deep within my soul
Your words, taunts and rage still haunt me
The only way is to cut you deep and leave a gaping hole.
I am a woman now
Powerful and resilient in my own right,
The only trait I have inherited from you
Is my will to fight.
I'll never understand what I did wrong
But I have given up on trying to see
I hope one day you realise this is all about you.
And maybe you'll look back and wished that you had loved me.